Saturday, September 17, 2005
We don't form a relationship with each other. We form it with all the concentric selves of each other. If humans were allowed to be the intrinsically generous and tolerant creatures we were before the social training took effect, then this would not matter. We would embrace family, past lovers, spouses, friends with "privileges," and we would not be threatened by any of them.
But the reality is that no matter what we as a unit are like, we as a community must always deal with the lowest common denominator of past relationships. This most often is someone who is not only jealous and unreasonable, but more likely is highly insecure. Such a person will set conditions on the new unit that has formed.
If you share a past with such a person, you will also share the present and future because he or she would have it no other way. It will remain a condition of friendship that you honor and cherish their weakness in the name of loyalty. Eventually, no matter how much you claim that you will not, no matter how much you love the new person, no matter how much you love the old person, no matter how irrelevant in the relationship this person is, he or she will make you choose somehow.
And of course, you usually choose what has been in your life the longest because the devil you know is the devil who holds your dirty laundry stashed away in a corner of the room no one else will ever see. It is the bribe you pay for love, for friendship, for companionship, for fear of being alone. And because the puppetmaster will remain the constant in your life by default, you will cherish this person for standing by you, for never leaving you, for being your friend, no matter what.
No one should be subjugated by hatred and fear. Cut the strings before it is too late.
Posted by Kate Taylor at 12:48 AM