I ask myself what do I really want? And in my heart I know. I want a President that is solidly anti-war. I don't want Obama trying to show how tough he would be by saying I'd bomb this country or I'd commit this act of violence to win the support of this group or that. I want Obama to say war is the refuge of small minds who can only think with their fists. I don't want Hillary to wait so long to say the Iraq war was a big, fucking mistake based on a lie. I want her to be a true voice for change and say I will end the whole concept of war in my lifetime because I care about my future grandchildren. I want the anti-war convictions of a Cindy Sheehan who knows personally the pain of war, but I don't want her religious morality that would deny government funded abortions to poor women, or who endorses Ron Paul wholeheartedly without seeing his roots as a flaming John Bircher.
Who does that leave? It leaves Kucinich and he always gives people the impression that something big could swoop into the room and chew him up before anyone could say: hey, where's the President? And that is so wrong of me to see him that way because he is the nice guy we dated when the real assholes were dancing the night away with some bitch we all hated. It tells me how we have been trained to view peace--as this weak alternative to the real thing.
And it leaves Edwards who at least says the right words when it comes to Iraq. It takes courage to go against the war machine's vast propaganda. And I know from personal experience that it takes a strong man to deal with the serious illness of a woman he loves. Dropping a few bombs is nothing compared to waking up in the middle of the night and feeling fear grip your heart because you're helpless to heal the most important person in your life. That alone would make him a far kinder and compassionate President than most of those in the running.
But I want something different. Edwards is another rich southern white man. It's not his fault, but like Kucinich he brings that baggage of the perceived known to the relationship. You know he's a nice guy. You know he cares. You know that he would do a decent job. But damn. He's like all the other acceptable guys. I want more. I want change and the strength to undo the wrong that Bushco has inflicted on America and the world. I don't want another disaster in the White House. I want someone who is working for me, for the American people, for the dignity and honor of this country.
I still think Al Gore would be a great President because he doesn't need to be President. Unlike Bush who brought so many daddy issues with him, so much unresolved psychosis, Al Gore has a life he already loves and that satisfies him. He served in the senate and as Vice-President so his ego has been sufficiently stroked. He won't need to bomb another country to compensate for his shortcomings like that idiot meat head we now have in the office. He would be a good, decent President who experienced first-hand the horror of war and no doubt shares my distaste for keyboard warriors and moronic chicken hawks, so he would be less inclined to look for his manhood in a bomb.
I also think that Hillary's idea of sending Bill to make peace around the world is an excellent idea. In fact, it might help all of us choose more wisely if all the candidates told us ahead of time who they would appoint to cabinet positions. That way we wouldn't vote in creeps like Gonzales and Karl Rove along with the candidate. There needs to be some kind of public disclosure of future decision making so we can decide if those decisions are something we can live and prosper with.
So far, there's no one who fits everything or even some of what I want in a candidate. Maybe we'll all grow up and realize that Kucinich is the strongest candidate after all because it really takes balls to be adamantly and confidently against war in a culture that has a sick love affair with it. Maybe Kucinich is our conscience and all we have to do is listen to it for a change, just like we eventually realized we should have married that nice, boring guy instead of the exciting hunk of man meat that gave us one hell of a ride for a year or two and then moved on to something we could never again be--not for love, not for excitement, not for lust, not for anything. Maybe if we all grew up just a bit we would get some better political representatives speaking for us. Maybe...
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